Humour: Employee Evaluations...

In South Africa you can pretty much buy anything you like while waiting at robots (traffic lights). In Cape Town, one of the things you can buy is a double sided A4 page with jokes on it. The page I bought today contains the following probably familiar but evergreen insert...

1. Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
2. I would not allow this employee to breed.
3. This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a
   definite won't be.
4. Works well, when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat
   in a trap
5. When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.
6. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
7. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
8. He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve
   them
9. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot
10. This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.

Later...

Michael

Creating great UI's

Was thinking the other day about what makes a great gui? The issue came up when I was trying to decide how to put together a particular piece of functionality in the project I work on. It was also helped by thinking about what I like about guis and what the properties of a good gui are.

A ui is something which is supposed to allow a user to do something. It provides a means by which the user interacts. In a sense, your steering wheel, pedals, gear stick, and speedometer are all elements of the user interface of your car.

I was trying to find a good analogy in the real world. Driving to work this morning I hit on a fairly good analogy that can help to get a handle on the properties of a good gui.

Consider the road system, without signs. That is what a bad gui is like. You can do everything, but you just don't know how, in fact, for the most part, you're pretty clueless. Think about what it would be like to drive on the road without signs, you would, for the most part, be clueless. There would be no cues along the way to guide you along. Unless you had intimate knowledege of the road system, or had a detailed map that you examined in detail, you would probably not be able to get where you want to go. Giving someone else directions would also be very difficult.

Good graphical user interfaces are like road with lots of clearly marked signs. The user wants to go to a particular place (achieve a goal), and the gui guides them through that process by saying, where would you like to go? Clicking this button takes you there, that button to some other place. Quite clear. A bad gui would let a user click and click, and then only at the end it will say, "No, you can't do that here, you should have selected the _other_ button!". It's like turning into a cul-de-sac and only realising it's a culdesac when you actually get to the end of the road.

When designing your guis, think like a motorist from out of town, and wonder if they would be able to navigate successfully in the road map that is your application.

Forking the blog

I'm thinking I'd like to post about, and show some pics of my recreational experiences.

However, I don't want to read about some unknown who has an aunt who's cat got a thorn in its front paw.

Therefore, I shall create another blog in which I'll put all that sort of content. The kind of stuff which is only interesting if you're, either into doing that sort of thing, or if you know me. So you don't have to sift through the drivel about my trip to the dentist (just kidding, I won't include that)

I've just recently acquired a new phone (with a camera and camcorder ability) so I'll include some pics.

The 80's

Last night they player Sylvester Stallone in "Cobra" on local (SA) TV. The film was made in 1986.

It was a lot of fun, but I must admit that the contrasts with contemporary fill making and world views was stark.

It was about this policeman player by Sylvestor Stallone who was on the trail of this group of violent serial killers. It was refreshing in fact to find a hero who was tough, did not give a damn about anything, was not, in fact, particularly interested in the ladies. I mean he said a big F-you to the whole world. He was unashamedly impolite and just such a loner. Showed no emotion whatsoever, just got on with the job. The epitome of the "Macho Man". He hates the law and how it trumpets human "rights".

Contrast that the the modern film hero. Far more politically correct. It's a wonder they don't all have a wife and kids back home. You don't find them as rude or as wild. I mean take for example triple XXX (the first one with Vin Diesel). Although he was anti establishment, he had a lot of friends, people who looked up to him, and people who "liked" him. There was also a girl (there's always a girl), and they showed that he wanted to do the right thing for her as well.

Modern movies (and world views) want their men to be more sensitive, more compassionate and to show a concern for people.

I'm not trumpeting one or the other, it's just an interesting contast between how the heroes were presented in the 80's as opposed to the 00's.

Voicemail!

Voicemail was invented by the women to stave off the advances of the male!

I mean you get her number, sometimes at great cost, and then you show the decency to call her, and guess what, it rings and rings and rings. Now comes the dilemma, what do you do? Do you hang up? 'cause if you hang up then you're just chicken. Besides, you can't call and hang up like more then two or three times.

You don't want to talk to the voice mail, believe me, you don't, because then it becomes up to her, and you become easily forgotten. But alas, you are trapped in a corner with now way out, you have to talk to the voice mail. So you do, you don't make a good impression, because like a fool, once again, you did not prepare for this. So you give it your best shot knowing that she's probably going to ignore it anyway...

I mean if she actually spoke to you then it would be better, it's easier to reject just a voice rather than the actual other person on the end of the line.

Bottom line, try and avoid talking to the voice mail, and if you have to take the plunge, make sure you're prepared. You have to make such an impression that she can't resist phoning back. The hard lesson I learned by these experiences is that if you get her voice just be friendly, don't suggest any plans, just say hi, nice to see you the other day wa wa wa... Keep the conversation open so you can phone again. You're just establishing the lines of communication at this stage...

Okay, after some consultation with a lady friend, I've discovered some quite important bits of information and have come up with a strategy...

She says that when you get the voice mail, say on the first phone call, be polite and courteous and what not, but make sure you ask her to phone you back. If you don't ask, she won't call you back!

She also says that after just one call, why should she call you back. You're going to have to work a little harder than that to gain her attention. She's testing you to see if you really mean business or not. She wants to know if she's just some arbitrary girl you're looking to get some kicks out of, or whether she's actually a preferred one. On Oprah they were discussing this and the hierarchy for this one guy was "Dream Team", "Associates" and "Don't Answer". She wants to know if she's on the Dream Team, and not just an "associate".

Then, after the fourth or fifth call with still no response, either just drop it altogether, or just tell her that if she doesn't want to talk to you then she should just tell you and you'll stop calling. Challenge her to be open and honest about it. You'll accept whatever her wishes are.

Happy Hunting